The Bubble We Live In
Posted on March 21, 2013
How often do you make assumptions? Just take a guess. Rarely? Now and then? I bet it’s closer to multiple times a day. It’s not easy to gauge, really, because it’s that little inner voice we have. The one we’re so used to hearing we forget that it is there and that usually doesn’t have our best interest at heart.
Here’s a scenario: You’re walking down a hallway alone and then one person whom you know is walking towards you. You attempt eye contact, waiting for that moment to spring your gorgeous smile and friendly “Hello!” on them, but even though that eye contact comes, it’s quickly diverted. You’re a bit surprised, since you know them, they know you…you think about your last interaction and remember it was positive, so you start going through your head trying to figure out why they looked away. What’s her problem? Is she mad at me? I thought she liked me…am I wrong? Wait. She’s friends with that Sheila psycho that I can’t stand…Sheila has influenced her!
See? I bet this is familiar to you. Now think for a minute. It could be a million reasons why she looked away. A million reasons that have ab-so-lute-ly no-thing to do with you. But we go there, don’t we?
The problem with making assumptions is that 1 – we’re making them, and 2- we tend to believe them. Of course, until we’re proven wrong. But that doesn’t usually happen. (The “proven wrong” thing.) Why? Well, because we don’t tend to look beyond our assumptions. We’ve got this bubble we live in. We feel safe there; happy to keep to ourselves with our anxiety, fragility, fear and ignorance. In our bubble, everything we’ve ever assumed is categorized and tidy. But is that good for you? Do you really want to live in that bubble?
Our assumptions tend to be highly negatively skewed and that negative slant greatly hurts us and our relationships with others.
Let me be clear here, this goes beyond the interpersonal 1:1 assumptions we make. Assumptions are widespread and universal. Let’s go through some common ones within our American society:
- Women are better nurturers.
- Men have a natural aptitude for fixing things around the house.
- Wealthy people must have had a privileged life growing up.
- Children shouldn’t attend funerals because death isn’t something they can understand.
- Homeless people are lazy or crazy.
- Older people are “stuck in their ways” and don’t easily adapt to new things.
- Anyone driving slower than you is an idiot; anyone driving faster than you is a maniac.
You’ve probably heard these before. These are all untrue, yet so easy to leave in that bubble. Analyzing our assumptions takes effort. First of all, we need to ask ourselves why we accept them – whether they are about ourselves and our value/worth, or about others. Then we need to let them go. Make room for a different story and check it out with other people. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you think or want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstanding, sadness and drama.
What’s a better outcome for that hallway scenario described above? You could say hello to your acquaintance regardless of eye contact and keep going on your merry way. You don’t know why they didn’t look at you, but unless they tell you, then you have no reason to assume anything at all. If they’re more than an acquaintance, pause and ask if everything is alright.
Challenge: Watch the assumptions, interpretations and meanings you assign to things. Instead of assuming—check your assumption out by exploring it. Ask people directly what they mean, why they did what they did, etc. This one move could save you a lot of hurt.