My Spoiled Child
Posted on November 13, 2012
So here I am. On the 40 yard line, in my folding chair, absolutely freezing, hot chocolate in hand, watching my 12 year olds football game. Next to me is a mom I’ve chatted with many games before and today she brought with her one of her older kids whom I’ve never met. He’s one of those “new” adults that like to declare all of his brilliant observations out loud so everyone can appreciate him. Honestly, most of his observations were insightful and funny. That is, until he commented on MY child.
“Look at all these kids,” he says. “You can tell which ones are spoiled. Look at that one there – number 42 – he’s got the socks, the long sleeve Under Armor shirt, the grippy gloves, the waist hand-warmer pouch…I bet he’s a pansy.”
He didn’t know he was talking about my son. I was instantly embarrassed but…I was also filled with a million other thoughts and emotions; defensiveness being one of them. I mean, I was so pleased with all the things we’d bought to make him well geared-up. I felt like we were doing right by him. And I had felt sorry for the other children that they were out there with exposed calves and forearms and polyester jerseys that allow the wind right through. I thought about how far we’d come in life (me and my husband) that we were now able to provide all of these “extras” to our youngest child. Having raised my older two children through a lengthy, expensive divorce and having put my daughter through college with no student loans, I know very well the life of shopping at the Salvation Army for snow pants and snow boots – or getting them bikes and skateboards from “Play it Again Sam’s.” I remember the days of convincing my daughter that the smell of a thrift store washes out and that “there is no way on earth anyone is going to recognize their discarded shirt on you at school!”
Yet on the drive home after the game, my husband and I talked about this young man’s observation and what impact all of these “extras” really have on our son. Is he really better off than the other children? Sure, he’s probably warmer, which is nice, but what of it? The other kids don’t seem harmed by being cold. They pushed through their game regardless. So we probably aren’t teaching him fortitude. And isn’t that an important thing to know? I mean, I’m not saying fortitude is only taught by being cold, but if you think big picture – if you think about all the things we do for ourselves and our children to make life easier, the consequences may be that they don’t develop the ability to handle the hurdles, difficulties, barriers and misery, as well as others might.
My husband, as he often does, cited a movie scene to explain his thoughts. This particular thought was supported by the movie Rocky IV. We all know Rocky, right? So he’s this tough, scrapper that came from the dirt of the city. He built himself from nothing and became a champ. Well, in Rocky IV we see that with success and wealth he’s become comfortable, spoiled and soft. Meanwhile everyone else is still tromping through the grime of life, learning things the hard way with nothing and they meet Rocky in the ring and beat him to a pulp. He sees that he’s lost his edge. What does he do about it? What does he realize? He’s realizes that he’s got to go full circle, back to the basics. He forces himself to go through that struggle all over again, with nothing posh, no fancy equipment or machines. He’s out there in the winter in Russia in the middle of nowhere, punching frozen meat and pulling a load of rocks through the snow like a dog. He shows us in the movie that it’s the struggle that keeps you strong. It gives you an edge. It teaches you fortitude.
http://popwatch.ew.com/2010/12/10/the-fighter-rocky-iv-popwatch-rewind/
Maybe by making our sons life easy, we’re actually making it more difficult.
I’ll end with a quote from William Faulkner, American author and Nobel Prize recipient: People need trouble — a little frustration to sharpen the spirit on, toughen it. Artists do; I don’t mean you need to live in a rat hole or gutter, but you have to learn fortitude, endurance. Only vegetables are happy.”
So, tell me – how have your struggles in life actually proven to benefit you now?
Don’t worry what other people think or say because it really does not matter. I learned to stop worrying about things like this because life is too short as it is. Before you know it, we will all be dead, and a new generation will be on this planet that will not care who said what.
I am sure he was saying that to make somone laugh with his loud comments, trying to be funny, but was not aiming it at anyone in the stands or on the field intentionally, as he did not realize you were the mother of the child he was making fun of. If he did realize this, he may have or would have appoligized quitly about it… well that is what i would do.
Spice, you’ve hit another home run! Your insight is amazing. Interestingly enough, in my opinion, the spoiled child was the one criticizing everyone else – why do people need to validate themselves by knocking everyone else????
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