(or, \u201cit seemed like a good idea at the time\u201d)<\/p>\n
The last thing I recall is vowing \u2013\u201cnever again, really , truly \u2013 Never Again\u2026\u201d but even as I thought the words and even as I heard myself speaking them I knew it would happen again.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Finish-itis is not a Scandinavian cocktail, it is a scientifically proven, evidence-based and statistically accurate description of the mind shift that takes place in the hours after crossing the finish line of an endurance event.<\/p>\n
The Tough Mudder.\u00a0 The Orange Headband.\u00a0 The Death Waiver.<\/p>\n
Once a series of disjointed syllables, now these are a part of my life vernacular.\u00a0 With the best teammates a gal could ask for, I signed up and completed my first Tough Mudder in May.\u00a0 Billed as the \u201ctoughest event on the planet\u201d, I thought \u2013 \u201cyeah right, great marketing, but\u00a0\u2013 how hard can it be?”\u00a0 Lesson #1. They really\u00a0DO write your race number on your forehead.<\/p>\n
Aside from signing a death waiver to participate in this event, we paid for and willingly ran\/walked\/climbed\/scaled\/scooted\/scootched\/shimmied\/jumped\/vaulted\/swam and dragged 10 miles up and down Mt. Snow though some of the most grueling obstacles known to regular Joes. In the mud.\u00a0 And snow.\u00a0 And muddy snow \u2013 with rocks. With snowmaking machines aimed at us. And fire hoses.\u00a0 Can\u2019t forget those.<\/p>\n
7500 participants on Saturday, 5000 more on Sunday, and this event is repeated across the country and internationally throughout the year. The experience became real somewhere between crawling through a set of water filled tunnels and feeling my chest tighten up while hanging onto a rope crossing an icy river.\u00a0 You see, I had already forgotten the previous point where it became real the first time:\u00a0 the one and a half mile \u201cDeath March\u201d STRAIGHT UP a black diamond ski slope which pretty much starts the race.\u00a0 It\u2019s the slowest mile I ever clocked.\u00a0 (oh yeah \u2013 no times are posted at Tough Mudder.\u00a0 Just get to the finish as best and as fast as you can, and make sure you do everything you can to get those in front of and behind you to the finish also)<\/p>\n
It was immediately clear that good old grit it and git er\u2019 done attitude would have to prevail, because there was no form or rhythm to be found on that slope \u2013 just ice, snow, mud and slippery rocks.\u00a0 Did I mention slippery rocks?\u00a0 **Props to us!\u00a0 We left a lot of people (read: guys) in the dirt.\u00a0 Literally.\u00a0 Just powered past them.\u00a0 Cool.\u00a0 Just to be clear, there was no elation at the time, but later, much later, when the dirt and blood has been showered down the drain\u2026you do recall the small victories that kept you going at the time.\u00a0 This is where those really motivating signs started to appear:\u00a0 Remember:\u00a0 You signed a DEATH WAIVER.<\/p>\n
Kerri, Sarah and I took a moment to savor the view from the top of the mountain \u2013 it was remarkable to look down and see thousands of people starting or continuing their ascent.\u00a0 Until we realized we had 8.5 miles and dozens of obstacles ahead of us.\u00a0 We climbed under cargo nets and ran through mud filled tires a la NFL training (seriously, not too tough) We shimmied through tunnels partly submerged in freezing water.\u00a0 (pretty lousy, and\u00a0 the freezing water \u00a0and\u00a0slashed knees offered a taste of what we would encounter next) \u00a0Slogged up a few hundred feet of elevation, back down again through ankle deep mud \u2013 and did this four more times until we found ourselves holding onto\u00a0 ropes for dear life when it came time to cross a river (or was it a fiord? A lake?\u00a0 I don\u2019t recall as the FREEZING COLD WATER obliterated my thinking ability for the next four minutes.) Glad I was numb, because the razor wire I had to crawl under next didn\u2019t really bother me much at all.<\/p>\n
I was happy for the chance to run a bit as we crossed the lateral mountain trails.\u00a0 There were these haunting little red arrows pointing the way\u2026like fingers wagging saying \u201cI told you so!\u201d<\/p>\n
And then, they pointed upward.\u00a0 Not really toward heaven, but more like upward toward a tantalizingly beautiful Mt. Snow hell.\u00a0 Really.\u00a0 So we climbed because no one dares OFFEND THE ARROWS.<\/p>\n
Up, up, up, up.\u00a0 Quads are screaming, sneakers are squeaking and man, what I would give for an ounce of water and half a banana right now.\u00a0 (Another sign. Not like a sign from God \u2013 but a real sign with words:\u00a0 \u201cDanger \u2013 many people will break an ankle on this obstacle.\u00a0 Proceed with Caution\u201d)\u00a0 And there it was like an oasis in the desert \u2013 a water station.\u00a0 And a HUMUNGOUS pile of wood.\u00a0 As in, a heap of\u00a0logs of all shapes and sizes.\u00a0 The next obstacle involved selecting a log (10-15-20-40 plus pounds, I\u2019m sure) and carrying it up and then back down a super steep stretch of the mountain.\u00a0 A woman looked at me as I surveyed the pile – she had completed the obstacle and she shoved a fairly even shaped log at me:\u00a0She whispered “Here, take this **ing piece of wood away from me<\/span>.\u00a0 Please.\u00a0 It’s a good one.”\u00a0 I accepted the offering and headed up.\u00a0 You had to dodge people who slipped and fell as they could easily take you down with them.\u00a0 Yes, I fell.\u00a0 A lot.\u00a0 Carrying a log.\u00a0 Up a mountain.\u00a0 Down a muddy, rocky, snowy mountain. Which, I reminded myself, I paid for the right to do.\u00a0 Really.<\/p>\n So we ran some more.\u00a0 I learned how much I really like trail running, and how happy I am that I retained both of my shoes in the gluey mud.\u00a0 And how cool it is when you are about to fall off a cliff, that some stranger below you on the trail sticks out their hand and shoves your foot up so you don\u2019t break your arm \u2013 or theirs.<\/p>\n So there were walls to scale, nets to climb, mud to embrace.\u00a0 I can\u2019t even describe the VERY STEEP AND ICY\u00a0snow mountain we had to scale which was created for the event.\u00a0 Really.\u00a0 I just can\u2019t.\u00a0 I learned that scaling an\u00a0icy slope isn’t as tough as getting back down.\u00a0\u00a0I also learned that I can endure cold.\u00a0\u00a0(but\u00a0I still hate it) \u00a0Honestly I think my epiphany happened at the point when we had to dip under progressively lower bars across what looked like a tar pit.\u00a0 I’m positive had we looked we would have discovered mamoth fossils under our feet.\u00a0 \u00a0And yet there I was with Sarah and Kerri \u2013 emerging from an icy black mud bath \u2013 laughing and celebrating the moment.<\/p>\n Not much time to celebrate because the FAT LADY WAS ABOUT TO SING.\u00a0 It was time to walk the plank.\u00a0 Ok, so there is a sign as you approach the platform:\u00a0 \u201cCaution:\u00a0 The water is 40 degrees.\u00a0 Do no attempt if you are not prepared.\u201d\u00a0 Kerri and Sarah ran by me and each climbed up the rope to the top of the \u2026wait for it\u202620 foot platform suspended over the ICY COLD MUD LAKE.\u00a0 (so I have to be honest here.\u00a0 I thought jumping off anything would be the least of my worries, especially after watching recent episodes of the Biggest Loser goes to New Zealand – everyone…everyone….bungee jumped, bridge jumped or otherwise threw themselves off insanely high platforms.\u00a0 This was 20 feet – no big deal, right?)<\/em><\/p>\n Kerri flies by and off she goes \u2013 splash, (man\u2026it really took her FOREVER to get back to the surface!)\u00a0 Sarah is right behind her and she is smiling as she takes her leap…SMILING\u2026and I \u2026I \u2026I \u2026get to the ledge, make my deal with the devil and I\u2026stop!\u00a0 Then I approach the edge and I \u2026stop!\u00a0 Sarah and Kerri were just too cold for me to seal the deal.\u00a0 The safety guy at the top tries every motivation he can offer to get me to leap but I\u2026climb back down the rope.\u00a0 Sigh.\u00a0 Next time.\u00a0 I never looked back and I did not feel like a failure.\u00a0 Cool.<\/p>\n And off we ran.\u00a0 We needed to keep moving.\u00a0 Back through the trails, up and down, over trees, through streams of icy run off.\u00a0 I just don\u2019t understand why I was having so much fun in my misery.\u00a0 Clearly I was on the older side of the demographic.\u00a0 Carrying a few too many slices of cake in my trunk probably didn\u2019t help either. \u00a0\u00a0But man, if you don\u2019t count the bloody mess on my knees, the sawdust in my right ear, the rock in my shoes and the soaking wet\u00a0 clothes, it was a great feeling so far.\u00a0 The end HAD to be getting close, we had been on the mountain for hours.<\/p>\n Follow the arrows, follow the arrows\u2026more hiking\/running and another set of obstacles was just around the corner.\u00a0 The funky money bars is a set of bars that peak at the center, elevated over \u2013 guess?\u00a0 An icy pool, silly.\u00a0 I made it to the third bar and landed in the water \u2013 not at all prepared for the heart stopping frigitiude that came over me.\u00a0 The big guy still hanging on over my head was deciding whether to hang or fall, and I was stuck where I was until he decided.\u00a0 Thank goodness I could take a few swim strokes forward until a helpful hand yanked me out \u2013 looked at my pupils, decided I was still alive and shoved me off to the next obstacle.\u00a0 It was a Blood Bath.\u00a0 Really.\u00a0 It was called the blood bath and for the rest of my life I can say I swam though a pool\u00a0<\/span>DUMPSTER of blood red ice water and came out the other side.\u00a0 Dripping red water and picking ice cubes out of my hair and shirt.\u00a0 Cute, eh?<\/p>\n What we needed next was a team\u00a0 of tall and willing folks to help us over the\u00a012 foot\u00a0\u00a0walls.\u00a0After realizing we were freezing and fatigued as a trio we opted for” injury avoidance”, moved past the walls\u00a0and raced toward the finish.\u00a0 There was a little more running, a dash through acrid smoke and smoldering fire walls, hurdling over large pipes with\u00a0metal\u00a0protrusions\u00a0toward a water slide.\u00a0 Not exactly Six Flags people.\u00a0 Unfortunately my unintended slope of choice was the mogul run so instead of a moment of speedy fun\u00a0 I feared for my spine, smashed into some rocks and managed to\u00a0\u00a0make it to the end where we \u2026guess..were immersed in a pool of freezing water.\u00a0 A quick dash to the finish and only a mad dash though a gauntlet of wires poised to deliver 10,000 VOLTS OF ELECTRIC SHOCK stood between me and the coveted ORANGE HEADBAND.\u00a0<\/p>\n The volunteers <\/span>angels of mercy at the finish line hugged, head banded and beered (I just made this word up \u2013 figure it out) every TOUGH MUDDER.\u00a0 We got our t-shirt, nutrition and a foil blanket and our super support gal Megan met us with high fives and\u00a0a camera!\u00a0 It was almost four minutes before hypothermia started to kick in, and my teeth nearly broke as they chattered with cold, my beer nearly jumped out of the cup and the\u00a0fire I was standing in front of nearly caused blisters but could not get me warm.\u00a0 But that\u2019s another story. Sarah’s insistence that we remove icy clothing and Megan’s maneuvering toward gear and a warming station saved the day.<\/p>\n So, the last mile or so the three of us SWORE we would never, ever in a zillion years do this again.\u00a0 It was, we vowed, a once in a lifetime event.\u00a0 But then we stood in a really long and miserable line to collect our things.\u00a0 Found a bathroom.\u00a0 Shook the mountain chunks\u00a0out of our hair.\u00a0 Found a great place to get a burger and a few more beers.\u00a0 Watched the Kentucky Derby at a bar surrounded by smelly people wearing orange headbands.\u00a0 And the mood changed a bit.\u00a0 you could almost feel Finish-itis in the air.\u00a0 Never again became, well \u2013 if it was a bit warmer, and we maybe had a taller team and if we trained more on hills\u2026and…<\/p>\n The next New England Tough Mudder is July 2012 and the team is already making plans.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" (or, \u201cit seemed like a good idea at the time\u201d) The last thing I recall is vowing \u2013\u201cnever again, really , truly \u2013 Never Again\u2026\u201d but even as I thought the words and even as I heard myself speaking them I knew it would happen again.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Finish-itis is not a Scandinavian cocktail, it is a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":24,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1060","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-goals-and-motivation"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6ZZxW-h6","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/hnetalk.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1060","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/hnetalk.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/hnetalk.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/hnetalk.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/24"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/hnetalk.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1060"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/hnetalk.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1060\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/hnetalk.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1060"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/hnetalk.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1060"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/hnetalk.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1060"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}