The Nose Knows
Posted on July 31, 2012
My husband and I are celebrating our 13 year wedding anniversary this month. That’s a good chunk of time, right? The odds were totally against us, though. At least, that’s what everyone said when we got together. They said it was “too soon” and pointed out that I was coming off of a marriage and he had just ended an engagement. They said it was “too complicated” because I had two kids under the age of 10 and he was a man in his 30’s that thought he’d never have children. They said “it’s not auspicious” because I’m a Virgo, he’s a Sagittarius – which is bad, I’m sure you know. (Look, as a product of the 60’s and 70’s this weighed in my decision! I am who I am.) And they said, “Your MBTI’s aren’t compatible!” (I just made that up. I mean, they aren’t, but no one said that. But, he is an extrovert and I am an introvert…so, you know, all that stuff was there. )
But here we are – 13 years and I love him! Nay, I adore him! The sun rises and sets on him! Ok, fine, I’ll stop. Still, what was it? What IS it? Why us?
Apparently, it’s a simple chemical reaction in my subconscious mind – it’s his smell. And mine. We like how each other smells. That’s all there is to it. Don’t believe me? Read this:
According to an article in Psychology Today, , “We might say we go for partners who are tall and thin, love to cook, or have a mania for exercise, but when push comes to shove, studies show, the people we actually end up with possess few of the traits we claim to want. Some researchers think scent could be the hidden cosmological constant in the sexual universe, the missing factor that explains who we end up with. It may even explain why we feel “chemistry”—or “sparks” or “electricity”—with one person and not with another.” Elizabeth Svoboda, The Science of Scent, Psychology Today, 2008
“This is not something that jumps out at you, like smelling a good steak cooking on the grill,” says Randy Thornhill, an evolutionary psychologist at the University of New Mexico, in that same article. “But the scent capability is there, and it’s not surprising to find smell capacity in the context of [physical attraction].”
That’s how we find ourselves drooling over the wine steward helping us pick out the perfect Shiraz, but have no idea why —or, conversely, find ourselves put off by potential dating partners even though they seem perfect on eHarmony.
Though we may be partially unaware to scent signals we’re sending and receiving, new research says that we not only come equipped to choose a romantic partner who smells good to us, but that this choice has *huge* biological implications. Thornhill continues to say, “As we act out the complex rituals of courtship, many of them inscribed deep in our brain, scent-based cues help us zero in on optimal partners—the ones most likely to stay faithful to us and to create healthy children with us.”
I know, I know – at first, the idea of scent-based attraction might seem like just random idea or short-lived, but he also says, “When we unknowingly interfere with the transmission of subtle olfactory (scent) messages operating below the level of conscious awareness, the results can be both concrete and devastating… When we disregard what our noses tell us, we can find ourselves mired in partnerships that breed discontent, infertility, and even—in extreme cases—unhealthy offspring.”
He explains that we choose partners based on smell because we need to and are able to identify genetic opposites to ourselves, to produce the healthiest children. But women on the pill, who are in a hormonally induced state of pregnancy at all times, instead of picking genetic opposites, pick instead genetic matches. Thus they are likely to pick a mate that is not conducive to producing healthy children.
So, physical attraction itself may literally be based on smell! Ok, question here: How does that work in a society that hates the human smell? You think I’m exaggerating here? Let’s list the fragrance loaded products we use in America: deodorant, shampoo, conditioner, body wash, body lotion, shaving cream, after shave, perfume, cologne, body spray, laundry detergent, fabric softener, dryer sheets…all in an effort to prevent each other from smelling what we really smell like!
Here’s my advice: if you’re on the prowl for your life’s partner and you want to have some babies with them someday, go off the pill (ladies) and stop using deodorant and fragrances all over yourself (ladies and gentlemen.) Those who can stand your stench (or left standing, as the case may be), might be your perfect match!
PSH: (Personal Spice Hypothesis) Someone should do a study to see if the use of birth control pills during courtship and marriage is related to the divorce rate in those couples.