Sugar, Spice and Southern Advice!
Posted on February 3, 2012
It’s annual review time at your office, isn’t it? Performance review, yearly review, etc – whatever you call it where you work, IT’S THAT TIME. (key dramatic music)
The scenario goes something like this: You walk into your boss’s office, prepared to hear what they think of your past years performance. You are expecting accolades! (I mean, not everyone is realistic about themselves. Sometimes we think we’re far better at things than we really are, right? Otherwise how could you explain all those auditions on American Idol?) But – WHAM! – You end up blindsided. You honestly, truly felt that you had a killer year and then your boss tells you that they didn’t see it that way. Talk about a deflator! You leave their office – if not in tears, then definitely stunned. Then you drive home feeling either angry or dumbfounded and self doubt fills your mind. “How could I have been so wrong about the way that was going to go?” And that pretty much sums up the rest of your evening, or week…or month…or life…
Yeah, you could stay in that place. That, “I can’t believe it” or “They are an idiot!” place. But, it certainly doesn’t do you any good to wallow or deny. And if you stay in that place, you’re going to get more of the same, year after year. What you could do, is take a deep breath, acknowledge what they’ve said to you and figure out what you’re going to do with it.
It is not an easy thing. I know that. We all know that. You can’t just say, “Fix all the things!” and wave a magic wand. You’ve got to begin somewhere, though. And you know the best place to begin? Your attitude (actually, that might have been your problem in the first place.)
So, get out of bed the next day after your review, put your feet on the floor and decide how it’s going to be. You have the power to change things for yourself – even if you don’t think so.
I remember as a little girl, hearing from my mother things that a true southern (Alabama) mom would say:
“Pretty is as pretty does.” (People will judge you by the way you behave)
“You’ll catch more bees with honey, not vinegar.” (Nobody is drawn to a negative person)
“Turn that frown upside down!” (Smile)
“Everyone becomes deaf to the coon dog.” (When you whine all the time, people stop caring)
“Fake it till you make it” (Imitate confidence so that the confidence produces success.)
Why am I telling you those quotes? Because they are all true! (Sometimes mothers know what they are talking about.) See, what my mother was trying to say to me was that you’ve got to act a certain way to get certain results. If you go around telling yourself that you are terrible, then you will believe it and you will actually be terrible. The purpose is to avoid getting stuck in a self fulfilling prophecy related to your fears or wounds, as the case may be.
In research at Wake Forest University, for example, scientists asked a group of 50 students to act like extroverts for 15 minutes in a group discussion, even if they didn’t feel like it. The more assertive and energetic the students acted, the happier they were.
It is often recommended as a therapy technique for combating depression. In this case, the idea is to go through the routines of life as if one were enjoying them, despite the fact that initially it feels forced, and continue doing this until the happiness becomes real. This is an example of a positive feedback loop.
Positive and negative thinking are both contagious.
All of us affect, in one way or another, the people we meet. This happens instinctively and on a subconscious level, through thoughts and feelings transference, and through body language. People sense our energy and are affected by our thoughts, and vice versa. Is it any wonder that we want to be around positive people and avoid negative ones? People are more likely to help us if we are positive, and they dislike and avoid anyone spouting negativity.
Negative thoughts, words and attitude bring up negative and unhappy moods and actions. When the mind is negative it cause more unhappiness and negativity. This is the way to failure, frustration and disappointment.
In order to turn the mind toward the positive, inner work and training are required. Attitude and thoughts do not change overnight.
The power of thoughts is a mighty power that is always shaping our life. This shaping is usually done subconsciously, but it is possible to make the process a conscious one. Even if the idea seems strange give it a try, as you have nothing to lose, but only to gain.
Always visualize only favorable and beneficial situations. Use positive words in your inner dialogues or when talking with others. Smile a little more, as this helps to think positively. Disregard any feelings of laziness or a desire to quit. If you persevere, you will transform the way your mind thinks.
Once a negative thought enters your mind, you have to be aware of it and replace it with a constructive one. The negative thought will try again to enter your mind, and then you have to replace it again with a positive one. It is as if there are two pictures in front of you, and you choose to look at one of them and disregard the other. Persistence will eventually teach your mind to think positively and ignore negative thoughts.
In case you feel any inner resistance when replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, do not give up, but keep looking only at the beneficial, good and happy thoughts in your mind.
It does not matter what your circumstances are at the present moment. Think positively, expect only favorable results and situations, and circumstances will change accordingly. It may take some time for the changes to take place, but eventually they do.
So by beginning with your attitude , project a “fake it” positivity, while also telling yourself positive thoughts – this will lead to having a real positive attitude at work and in turn affect how you will perform on your job.
Yes, it sounds simplistic. Yes, I know your situation is complicated. Life is complicated. But as I said before, you have to begin somewhere, and usually, it’s with your attitude.